Toxic people, religion, and spirituality (subtítulos en español)

Toxic people, religion, and spirituality (subtítulos en español)


hi everyone its dr. Romani today we’re gonna talk about narcissus and a religion please subscribe to this channel new videos twice a week Mondays and Fridays hit the bell you’ll be a subscriber please tell us new video ideas you can drop them right here under this video and also we are trying to do live streams Instagram live streams and and YouTube live streams every Tuesday that’s what we’re doing this is the ones we’ve had so far been amazing comments questions from all over the world everyone’s learning from each other it’s a really fantastic community so please keep tuning in so let’s talk about narcissus and religion this is not religion specific it can be any religion from major world religions to whatever religion they’ve made out this is a question that’s come to us from several of our YouTube subscribers several people on Instagram and I’ve gotten several emails about this they will say it is astonishing to us that a narcissist will hide behind religion let me tell you this it happens all the time and what’s interesting is one of the professions that has the highest rates of narcissism is the clergy it’s a very powerful position when you think of it and while we’d like to think that anyone who’s devoted themselves to spirituality and faith it’s full of empathy unfortunately the power part is what throws that off obviously there are amazing devoted people who have devoted their lives and their careers and their calling to their religion Bravo but and this isn’t just about clergy this is about how do they use religion so let’s think about it in some ways religion is a battle you can’t win it’s really hard to fight the battle of will that’s what God said okay guys I guess you know check me not much I can say past that but here’s what narcissists often do and this is what to me is so horrifying they use really as one more tool to rationalize their narcissistic behavior either they’ll go real simple with it well that’s what God says or they will do things for whatever religious community they are in a church a temple a mosque you know whatever they call their particular religious community and they will really be the big man around church temple mosque whatever they’ll be that a big woman there’ll be that person highly devoted to the church up an elder a deacon a senior member of that whatever that religious community is they’ll be involved in the choir they’ll be involved in whatever board of directors or what they’re maybe with a religious community and that’s one way they can all but guarantee that they trick everyone but he’s such a holy man he’s so involved in this church or she’s such an amazing woman she never misses a Sunday at church the hypocrisy is galling and what’s angering and devastating to me is people who actually do in a meaningful way take their faith seriously so they actually take listen maybe with a heavier ear to other people from faith their faith-based community and that’s where a narcissist is often able to take advantage while they’re so devoted to the church so how can they be a bad person they must be great I have seen narcissists use a religion to make excuses for everything from infidelity to stealing money to lying to twisting in the truth to gas lighting you name it religion ends up becoming the basis of that it’s a it’s a tricky problem in our modern age because in many ways our hands get tired to even comfortably talk about it people are like well I really you know I don’t feel comfortable calling someone out on this is their faith and they try to be open-minded about her saying I’m not in their faith-based community I don’t it’s mind you counteract and in some ways they use their religion as a suit of armor to protect them somebody tries to call them out they’ll be like well you know I’m a very holy person I’m a very spiritual person and that takes us to a second topic which are people who walk around calling themselves deeply spiritual there are a lot of people out there who may not ascribe to a traditional religious Canon but they call themselves spiritual and whether that manifest says yoga or intentions or some other form of spiritual chanting they will do all that spiritual stuff and then have no problem turning around lying to their family cheating on a spouse doing other deceitful things that her co-workers friends and family but then they’ll fall back on how spiritual they are and then sometimes they’ll use that spirituality or religion as a way to get out of it you know what I’ve done wrong I am now I have found the right path as though they’re finding their right religious path is an excuse for the wrongs that they have perpetrated there is no reset button on life when you hurt someone the only reset button there is is to take real responsibility for it and not make up some kind of excuse well I’m gonna go return to my spiritual core and leave out the genuine apology when somebody is evidencing the patterns associated with narcissism the lack of empathy the entitlement the admiration seeking the arrogance the the controlling nature the superficiality the grandiosity when there evidencing that I don’t care how godly they say they are if anything it makes me even more suspicious judge a person by their behavior by their actions don’t don’t let them off the hook because they get a really cleverly crafted story about how they’re so close to God or whatever religious Canon they come from when their lives are in violation of that those religious rules of order or they say one set of rules applies to them and then they take those very very stringent religious rules and they apply them to everyone else take pause take a minute and take note narcissists have this remarkable capacity of using anything as a rationalization and religion is no exception I absolutely applaud people who integrate their faith into their life in a very healthy way and I’m respectful of all denominations and faiths the one thing I’m not respectful of is people who use religion something that’s such a core and important thing to many other people who use it as an excuse and as one more weapon of hypocrisy as they go through the world and hurt other people if you’ve had experiences with somebody who said who really was that person that self-righteous hyper religious or hyper spiritual person who has no problem turning around and hurting you lying to you cheating on you if you feel comfortable let us know if that happened to you because it’s happened to many people have gotten in touch it’s not okay thank you again for tuning in as always please subscribe to this channel more as we get more subscribers we can get better equipment so we get try to get better sound to you we have again we’re gonna have live events as every Tuesday we possibly can we’re gonna get them out there and as always please order that book with a lot of the stuff we talked about here is all contained in those pages it’s available as a regular book an e-book and an audiobook you can get it at your local bookseller you can get it at online sellers like Barnes & Noble and Amazon thank you so much

100 Replies to “Toxic people, religion, and spirituality (subtítulos en español)”

  1. Let me tell you what a "Christian" medical doctor did to me. After performing malpractice he and his family ganged up on me, destroyed my life and my reputation. Yet, he played Christian songs in his office, "Cry Out To Jesus" by Third Day. In the meantime he was lying in my medical records, covering up that he'd blown my mind with psych drugs. Fifteen years of hell because of him, and his psychiatrist dad taught him how to lie like that to cover up. Its deep stuff, entrenched in Deep State in Washington. Rotten to the core. All Christians, too. You know? Because God's got it, right? They can do whatever they want because if we're Christians too God will turn it all into good. Fifteen years and now living in poverty, so I'm still waiting. I am not the only one they've done this to, either. RIP Misty Upham. What this cost me, has cost my family and is costing the taxpayers is unbelievable. If he's only have admitted that the drugs messed me up, he could have gotten me help and all of this would have been alleviated. But, no. He and his family are criminals, have been running a criminal racket killing people. The excuses he's been making for all of these years is bull, because the bottom line is that he blew my mind with those drugs, then lied in the medical records, and proceeded with a campaign among his whole family to take me out with gas lighting and defamation. Like, I said, I am not the only one they have done this to. Its their method of operation, I guess because they are forgiven? One told me if I'm really Christian then I have to forgive them. Nice, huh? Not really. To forgive them they must repent, accept responsibility and make restitution. Those are the terms, and if they know the Bible its pretty much laid out in it. No, they won't be forgiven.

  2. Ask them things like “ I bet Jesus is really happy with the way you are treating me. Don’t you? (And fill in however your husband, boyfriend, clergy is treating you) back it up with scripture. This makes them look at their behavior. I had to even take my ex narc husband’s bible and show him in his bible what it says cause before I would share a scripture and he would say “well that’s your translation” so I made sure to open his bible and show him. He still
    Denied it but it does make them look at their behavior. The best thing really is just leave. You don’t want to. You love them. But then you realize you fell in love with a fake preacher, a false prophet,
    A wolf in sheep’s clothing. Whatever you want to call it. To me spiritual abuse takes it a step further cause it’s your beliefs and they gaslight you’re beliefs. Just chalk it up to forgiving yourself for allowing this person into your life, thank God for showing you who they really are and just move on. It sucks but we have to for our sanity sake. Amen. Thank you Jesus for helping us get over, get thru these relationships. Give us the grace to help someone else. Have a great day everyone.

  3. My ex Narc pretended to be possessed by the devil when he got caught cheating and then gaslighted me to feel bad for not standing by him. He even went to the extent of going to an exorcist multiple times and putting on a horror show to prove his point. All that was magically resolved when I took him back and when I was sure it was all an act I left him again and low and behold he was possessed again😂 sufficed to say I never went back!

  4. My family is full of them, that's why I don't attend my church anymore. It was like being in school again: the popular ones rule and can do no wrong!!!

  5. I don’t know what’s scarier-
    1- the fact that such evil people can present to be such righteous ones; or
    2- the fact that I could be (and was actually) so uneducated on this topic or so gullible that I allowed someone to strip MY OWN relationship with God away from me

  6. There was a time, before the house fire, that standing before my wardrobe, I was entitled to choose from a lavish array of government, corporate, educational and religious silk screened logos printed on the colourful spectrum of cotton T-shirts to wear. In many aspects I became a shill for secular indoctrination. It was a type of sign language that I used to express outward manifestations of inward ideology, values, intellect and beliefs which stated proudly, and openly to the world, “This is where I belong, this is who I am!”. I was employable, working for it, independent, not requiring assistance, providing access for a few narcissistic traits to take root during the pursuits of adulthood, and a polarity between my behaviors and my inherent child value system started losing symmetry. I was in denial that my conformity was a detriment as I defined it as 'self preservation' as well as the means to the ends of feeding and sheltering my children. Through the years of scourging from government, corporate and educational institutions that I endured, more calloused and hardened with each whip, it was a religious act by someone I thought as family, much like using umbilical scissors, that made the final cut and severed the last remaining bond that held my polarity together. Religion is a different kind of pornography that fornicates with your mind as the addicted insatiably seek another opiate for a dopamine release. Today, divorced from affiliation to the former, I am faithfully subscribed to the latter, which is to humbly wear rags with no logos which I have grateful accepted either second hand or purchased frugally at the local thrift store. I am a believer now, yet I do not wear a cross around my neck for fear that the chain will become a slip-knot that I would hang should ever hypocrisy be evident, I am human and science proves failure is inevitable, so I wear it over my heart. Though the outside world has not changed, my inward universe is still in a transition toward temporal. Being religious is not indicative of holy infallibility, but many of it's associates think it's truth. It is difficult to extrapolate or articulate that many people hold the institutions of government, corporation, education as a religion unto themselves and regard their rank in these fields as if they are clergy. Money is god and most institutions are just human made constructs to implement programs to take taxes, tuition and tithes; but hey, “render unto Caesar”, yet pray thee mercy be provided you when the religious implement programs to take your soul. There is a freedom outside the box, but it has a price.

  7. All great points. They also use it in an attempt to shame you for standing up for yourself. I literally had a guy steal content from my Facebook page, with my original photo and my original writings and repost it to his page as if he wrote it. When I called him out on it, he told me I was stuck in my ego. When I told him, no, it's my original work and illegal and unethical for him to post it as his own, and blocked me. Like, whaaaaat?! It's unethical af (and illegal)! It was not a meme. It was a picture I took during my travels, along with paragraphs of inspirational writings I came up with. He had zero conscience about it and attempted to shame me for laying claim to my original art and requesting that he give me credit for my original creations or take the post down. Unbelievable.

  8. David Koresh leader of cult religion Branch Davidians is the perfect example of big time Narcissist in action. Ashame the government did not resolve the situation peacefully.

  9. Dr. Ramani, this is such an interesting alignment of narcissism and religion. Parallel to this video, my ex who is highly malignant, is a police officer. Do you find that this is commonly found among police officers too? I know there is a higher percentage of domestic violence within the community of police families, but is narcissism another commonality?

  10. When it comes to narcissism I am powerfully inclined to two analogies, and one of them is especially spiritual. The first is when I have experienced narcissists I just automatically react as one would react to a dog which is rabid. You have exactly the same chance of helping the rabid dog as helping the narcissist. Your help ONLY allows the damage to yourself, others, and the "victim" in question. I don't think I am the victim when I experience such an encounter. I am the spared soul living in deep gratitude. The second analogy continues where the first leaves off. Narcissists- almost don't even exist. They are the dark shadow cast by the self hatred of their enablers. Their enablers allow the narcissism to live and grow. We can't put narcissists down out of mercy like we can for a rabid dog- because they CAUSE instead of experience the misery. And the enablers take the abuse out of their sacred ignorance about love. Yes- there is "Love your enemies." But narcissists, like rabid dogs, are victims of a condition- not enemies. What enablers refuse to understand- is that when God judges us on love- 90% of the grade is on self love- because we are the only way He can be here. Enablers are the only way narcissists can be here. Every act of enabling is saying "yes" to narcissism and "no" to any potential restoration of humanity in the narcissist. You have to be allowed to be a narcissist to become one. It has to work for you. Enablers make it work. Being sadistic to oneself is acceptable to enablers and keeps the menace flourishing. There is always a relationship of shadows, each thinking they are correct- and neither would be seen without the other. It is interesting how we talk about the victims of narcissists instead of narcissists as victims. It is because we want to be the victims. Only we- can prevent forest fires, and only we- can allow narcissists to flourish.

  11. The gaslighting in 'new age' spiritualities is rampant…
    "you are projecting your disowned self on to me and I'm not taking that on"
    Spirituality and pop-psychology cherrypicked to use in the ultimate headfuckery that results in cloning followers or worse, breeding mini narcs to split off on their own in competition with the original guru.

    (my 6 year old renamed my YouTube account and I don't know how to switch it back – halp 😆)

  12. This is such an important message, I left a religion I was born in because of this, as a result I left community and family and have struggled with the recovering process, however I am forever grateful I did because the guilt and shame I was groomed into carrying is no longer part of my identity or life.

  13. Dr Ramani, I personally believe that children of narcissists or abused children will either become a narcissist or a codependent, based on survival. They will see how the abuser succeeds in getting what they want and develop narcissistic tendencies or they will empathize with the spouse of a narcissist and become codependent. They will swing to either end of the spectrum. Is that what you believe?

  14. Hi Dr. Ramani, thanks for all your videos, you're awesome. Could you give up tips for dealing with our grown Narc/toxic adult children? It's tough!

  15. Yes this has happened with someone who married into the family. It's been tragic to watch over the years for those of us who know the truth about what you're speaking about.

  16. THIS IS THE BRUTAL TRUTH!! My dad is my original covert narcissist & his father my grandfather is also a narc & my dad has been a Christian minister for 40 years & my grandfather as well under Billy Graham & while it’s so shocking it has completely destroyed my life!! Earlier this year I figured out why (as a long time domestic violence survivor, why I had let abusive men hurt me, why I stayed and why I was so understanding, loving and patient with my partners when I should’ve been standing up for myself, and setting better boundaries-I was raised on a trauma bonding parenting style! I figured out that my parents forced me to accept their narrative & that chronic mean nice, mean nice cycle was the key component to teaching me to accept such terrible dismissive treatment from the men I would later submit to in my adult life! I forgave & turned the other cheek, because that’s what I was taught, I stayed faithful and hung in there because that’s what they teach-you don’t leave, you stick by their side & work it out, I was essentially dating guys just like my dad!!) It was SO BACKWARDS AND FUCKED UP & I had no idea why-the Christian narrative COMPLETELY SET ME UP TO BE A TOTAL NARCISSIST TARGET & I didn’t understand any of this until years later. I watch them lie, gaslight, deny, love bomb, gossip about all family members against each other & play family members against each other, even use the pets to overdose love to in my face to shun me & they are actually such fake, empty, evil people who do it all on purpose!! It’s so cruel & intentional it’s just shocking!! I now understand how I became an empath-how I was “created” & have had to come to a very difficult state of strong acceptance and realize there is no love present in this group of sinister people. They really don’t love me. They aren’t capable of real love. I ultimately had to relocate, move far away secretly disappearing from their lives, block all of their phone numbers & go no contact and accept that I am never going to see them again. I can’t. Each time I’ve let them get close to me they have tried to so sinisterly & sneakily destroy my life & I see how real the danger & evil is within this horrific group of people I was raised by. I’m so great full I am who I am, & I have the chance at a normal healthy, happy life-knowing I’m nothing like them but in order for this to be possible for me, I really did have to cut them all off permanently. It’s so crazy, I feel like an orphan who never had a real chance at having a loving family but at this point in my life in my 30’s all I can do is move forward and pursue the awesome life I really want with healthy people who are good for me. Really great video! Thank you for addressing this ❤️

  17. I didn’t realize I raised a narcissist I didn’t know that praising your child too much as I did good turn out the way it did it’s heartbreaking he’s now an adult and I’m reaping terrible results from it I wish I had known then what I know now I would’ve done things differently unfortunately it’s too late for me, he’s constantly blaming and shaming and guilting me for everything wrong that happens in his life so unfair😪 he says to me that I raised a monster😔

  18. Thank you Dr. Ramani for picking up this topic in the age of fake SNS gurus and phony spiritual businesses👏👏👏  LOVE your work💕💕💕

    I have experienced too many “spiritual teachers” in disguise who only think of power and money, yet incredibly well-versed and good at looking “genuine” to the outer world. The worst one I came across pretended to be an honorable poor saintly figure who renounced becoming rich and preached us the importance of living a simple life. Liar!

    What he truly was just a lazy, conceited covert narcissist who couldn’t stand working under his superior nor holding a regular job. While he blogged on how badly he had to pinch pennies to pursue his life in prayer and in meditation and to fulfill his vocation (That is, to write that shitty blog) he hit a jackpot. He discovered that, if he would succeed in eliciting enough pity from good-natured readers, they felt sorry for him and sent him money or presents.

    He is in his mid-forties and has been dominating his parents as the worst bully ever: no rents paid. To the “inner circle” of his followers, he even shows dissatisfaction with the dinners his parents prepared for their only son/leech in the house.

    To the public’s untrained eyes, this self-claimed Highly Sensitive Person appears as a shy, art-loving (also claiming to be a former singer and voice coach, but no one has ever seen him singing, either live or on video!) and genuinely spiritual soul. He still blogs about those spiritual tidbits all of which he liberally stole from other people (of course he’s a Narc none of his work should be of his own!). Alas, it seems like monetary donations still keep coming from unsuspected new readers/ followers.

    After the encounter with this Covert Spiritual Narc, I decided it best to stay away from spiritual/religious teachers who are still alive and seek followers. Dead teachers are much safer. They don’t care whether we trust them or not. Since their reputation is almost fixed, chances are that they disappoint us much less than those still living.

  19. A “deeply religious “, elderly aunt of mine complained that the muslims outnumbered the people on a visit to her local park. A high school classmate who recently reconnected with me, stated that the Jewish people brought the holocaust on themselves by denying Jesus. Two examples of a lack of empathy, if I’ve ever heard.

  20. This video great. Thank you for all the continuing education, much appreciated. You have a gift in being able to explain a complex subject in a way that most people can understand and relate to. I would be interested to hear your opinions on these topics….1) narcissism and politics 2) the top professions narcissists go into and 3) communal narcissism (because I think these people are the best of all of them at avoiding detection)

  21. Hi I became a born again Christian about 12 years ago then shortly after that the man I married followed I agree with what u said.He could sit in church every week sit at the back of church pray and remembered god's word like he was reading the scriptures which he still does he even went to the point of crying he said it was the holy spirit was taken over .Well this man sneakly abused My son with he mouth was gas lighting .What makes it worse was I didn't believe my son as I really thought he was a godly man .He teared posters of the wall in the girls room if there was a tiny print of a skull .on the poster .He couldn't pray thanking God for food but could pray in church he'd say to me why are u at me u know I don't like to speak .Gets worse our marriage was failing but this was messing up his image .Well I was on medication for biopolar so i read in the internet the meds i was on I needed to be on a 100 lamactal to stimulate my mind and I was in 25 in the morning and 25 at night 200serquel xr I was 10years no relapsed on my meds for hypomania which kept me very stable. so I decided to go of lamactal as I thought it couldn't be working on such a small doze wellI trusted my husband and told him I was going of it and watch out in case my behaviour changed well it did i become sick ended up in a hospital .Goes alot deeper why two admission well he was able to convince the doctors I was insane he was my carer for ten years as stress brought out my symptoms was kept locked up for 4weeks the second admission failed to tell doctors why I wouldn't go on new meds as I had a new diagnosis and new meds would of upset my condition as new meds also caused clotting he made an agreement with doctor to sign me in for further 3 months there was a tribunal called and the case was closed they had said we will never c u in a tribunal again .My husband left out also the doctor valuable information I had also been diagnosed with Fabry's disease that same year and that my marriage was over my husband didn't come in and sit in tribunal as didn't want him there my sister did was left out 3days later .when I went home he wouldn't leave the house for 6months every day vurbaly abused me and mental my kids also went through it he even went as low to involve my youngest doesn't end there But thank God which I do my faith hasn't been shaken .This man still sits and claims god's word and still thinks im mad and can't understand why no wants anymore to do with him and tells everyone this all happened because I got sick and even went to the point of saying I know she is well when she lvs me again ….so that says it all. please believe what been told in these videos are so accurate thank u Dr ramani for posting and helping victim's ♥️lv always

  22. Wow, thank you for this video! I spent the last two years of my life in an Islamic marriage for the sake of God, in which I experienced every single thing that you mentioned in this (and all of your other) videos. It was insanely confusing to navigate as a new convert, I literally had no idea the religion was being twisted and was being used for insanity and HYPOCRISY! After finally just exiting this relationship, I can’t tell if I need domestic violence counseling, narcissistic abuse counseling, Islamic counseling, or what! On top of tthat, entering a confusing state prosecuted criminal case. It’s seriously one thing after another, nothing makes ANY sense, religiously or rationally. All I can do is keep listening to your YouTube videos and keep walking myself through the reality of the situation with logic. Thank you Dr Ramani, bless you!!!!!

  23. I married one of these…the Bible scholar, worship leader, prayer warrior. The night I escaped from the hell of being married to him, I learned he has been diagnosed as a sociopath. No one knew because he was so charming. I escaped with very little, and after starting over from scratch in my 60’s, I can truly say I have never been happier. Good counseling and an authentic spiritual journey have turned this nightmare into a life filled with joy, hope and purpose. Thank you for this powerful, insightful presentation.

  24. For two years I attended an Ecstatic Dance venue not knowing the organizer was away. When she returned, the energy changed dramatically. During closing circle, she would subject dancers to long, drawn out monologues with phrases like "our sacred container", "conscious community", "mindfulness", etc… Afterwards, dancers could share but only on subjects within her tight guidelines. She didn't allow dancers to leave information at the front about their events (postcards/flyers). She didn't support other local organizers who could have benefitted from true community. The hypocrisy was baaaaaaaad. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

  25. Been there very disturbing and hypocritical. Wolves dressed as sheep looking to destroy and devour the weak or those that don't know. Great video beautiful thank you. ❤

  26. I just ended a relationship with someone who I believe to be a narcissist. After going over everything that happened in the relationship, I drew a major connection back to her mother. Her mother is a Christian and when my ex was a kid, her mother used to perform exorcisms on people in their living room. Her mother stopped doing this for a long time but right before I fully began to disengage with my ex, her mother did something very odd. Her mother hired a young man to do some landscaping jobs on her property. The young man was having a hard time showing up on time and when he did show up he had a hard time staying for the duration of the job because he had a suicidal girlfriend who needed his help on a daily basis. So, like many Christians with bad boundaries, my ex's mother invited them both to live on the property so the young man could finish the work he committed to doing. While he was busy with work, my ex's mother thinks this is an excellent opportunity to heal the suicidal girl with whatever new age wuwu fancy rich people gadgets she has. I guess she saw it as a two birds, one stone kind of situation. Well of course the girl doesn't get healed by this woman's expensive machines and actually ends up having a crisis and instead of saying something like, "oh maybe I'm not qualified to help this girl, that was a mistake", she claims that the girl is possessed by demons and that the demons are attacking her (my ex's mother). She then fires the young man and kicks them both off the property. No accountability whatsoever on my ex's mother's part.
    There is so much more to this whole thing and watching these videos is helping put a lot of things into perspective. Thanks Doc, love the videos. Keep up the good work.

  27. Yep, has definitely happened to me. My ex husband self proclaims that he is such a righteous man of God but yet calls me names, invalidates me, shames me in many ways. He has no problem hurting me at all and still proclaiming that he is such a devout Godly man. Sickening.

  28. I still suffer many years later a PTSD nervous response to Xmas carols, due to a malignant narcissistic father who was holier than thou.

  29. The minister that married my ex and I turned out to be something I didn’t see coming. My ex agreed to help me with small repairs to our house before we sold it, like painting. We had turned to the minister for counseling a while back and he was aware of what we were going through and offered to help in anyway who could. What a mistake. My ex took him up on the offer and asked if he would help him with painting and was under the impression it was a friend helping a friend. It took them two afternoons to paint the inside of the house, living room, bedrooms, etc.
    While the minister was there helping my ex the two of them dug up my landscaping, I am passionate about gardening and my yard was beautiful. I spent a small fortune on roses, Japanese maple trees and box wood bushes, they dug them all up. When I asked my ex why he said he said the minister asked if he could have the plants since we were moving anyway so he let him take whatever he wanted. One of my Japanese maples he took was $250 and was very happy in the spot I planted it 4 years prior.
    When I told the minister I was angry about him digging up my landscaping and how disrespectful it was, especially with the needed curb appeal while I was trying to sell my house, he responded to me with threats, claiming he cut his foot on glass while painting my house and would be talking to a lawyer for reparations. I was never even at the house when he was painting and I personally never ask him to help me with anything.
    When we finally sold the house, a couple days before closing the title lady called and said we couldn’t close because there was a mechanics lean on our house, I had no idea what that was. Apparently the minister brought another member of the church to help with the painting and happened to be a licensed contractor.. The two of them claimed my ex owed them money for painting, that there was a verbal agreement, and we owed them $15,000, which was all the equity we were making off our house. My ex claimed he offered to pay them a couple hundred dollars but wanted to pay them after closing.
    I was mad as hell and threatened to call a local news station on the minister and expose him for the fraud he was and file a complaint on the contractor, sometimes you got to fight fire with fire. It shook them up enough they agreed to lower their asking price to $7500. In the end the minister walked away with $8000, my ex agreed to forfeit his part in order to close the deal before the house went into foreclosure and I had to agree to give them $500 of my part. The minister and his sidekick walked away with $8000 for two afternoons of painting and hundreds of dollars of landscaping. I was dumbfounded by the whole ordeal and convinced I was surrounded by psychopaths. When I was leaving the title company to pick up my check the minister showed up, I called him a jackass and he childishly said back to me “your the jackass”. I find it hard to trust anybody, if not impossible.

  30. I know two pastors who most likely NPD .
    One of them lost his wife last year and he ended up making the memorial service more about him .
    His speech was long and covertly narcissistic.
    It nauciated me.
    I see him as a malignant narcissist.
    I was close to his godly wife for over twenty years.
    She never once spoke a word about him.
    I do know he had drug addiction and porno addiction in the past.
    He spent all his time away from home, except to sleep and eat.
    Also an AA coach for many years.
    Arrogant and cognitively above average.
    Other pastor's wife has finally left him and is trying to heal from narcissistic abuse.
    He still is senior pastor at a very well known large church.

  31. That's how they get you, using fake faith. And when you suffer they project their crap onto you and say your prayers aren't accepted by God, or that you need to show patience and respect to get God's reward. Or they apply laws and standards of religion onto you while they exempt themselves, double standards.

  32. I have family members who run their own church, they act like they're rock stars and everyone should admire them. They are money hungry and very concerned with their image, not as good people necessarily, but more of looking successful (flashy cars, nice clothes). If you don't treat them like royalty they dont want you around and will say it's because you aren't a good christian.

  33. This was the kind that did me in. She was a minister/mentor/leader. I call her Jezebel now. When she was confronted, she’d always fall back on persecution (playing the victim). Yes. Her confronters are now part of the evil that comes against her (and sent by Satan no less) oh so noble mission—as she is just soooo special and chosen of God. 🙄🤮 She was covert and imo high range. She’s getting some karma now tho it looks like. Finally. I think it took me about 8 years to fully get over that and not look at church overall as a horrible place of misery, suffering and death and destruction. Nearly lost my faith altogether. Worst human being I’ve ever met in my life and people literally drop and die like flies around her. I know of 4 people and I truly believe she greatly expedited all their deaths. (3 out of 4 close to her are dead at age 51 or younger). She leaves a total bloodbath in her wake.

  34. people who obsess about their health. To the detriment of their family, finances. This is an epidemic. People Dr. shop until they find a healthcare professional who will tell them what they want to hear. This is an insidious form of Narc. Yes it is. Look at the red flags-you will find it. Touchy topic-but there are people who suffer from the abuse of those who cheat about their "health".

  35. Oh boy am i glad to see this. I have not run into very many people who understand the damage religion can do. I am a Christian and I like my religion. What I hate and despise is organized religion. The people who all think they're right and totally don't understand religious abuse. Believe me it's very real and I'm only one of a great number of people who've experienced it. We have been very wounded by what other Christians have done to us and some of us never went back to church.

  36. Dr. Ramani, could you maybe do a video about the female covert narcissist? And please make a point on how they use sex as a tool in their narcissist arsenal.
    I just wanted to add that it's been my experience that they will use sex and affection/intimacy like dangling a carrot, but they don't ever really want to give it to you, but they expect pleasure to be given to them always. Female narcissists need to be talked about as their own beast in a video! I think it would be very helpful, because I feel that they are the same, yet very different than male narcissists. Thank you for considering my comment!

  37. My soon to be ex always used the “wives submit to your husbands” and the man is the head of the family and what he says goes… all things that came from the Bible, yes, but he twisted the meaning and context to control me in every way.

  38. From the comments i read on YouTube videos about narcissism it looks like every second white person is narcissist specially the parents lol

  39. Both of my parents are ministers and authors of Christian books, Phd's in theology, both narcs. She's overt, he's covert. The abuse is horrendous and they hide behind the cloak. I can't begin to explain how confusing it is. Thank you for this video.

  40. Cerebral Narcissist and Somatic Narcissist? Do they flip over from one to the other? Differences with covert narcissist, malignant narcissist, classic narcissist and the dark triad? Characteristics of all of the above?

  41. Can you please tell more about narcissistic spouses and being unable to determine to stay/go and how to just deal with them daily? PLEASE

  42. Hi! I was wondering would you be able to do a video on narcissism and the disabled? I love your videos they're really inspirational I've actually learned a lot about how why my upbringing was the way it was.

  43. The religious narcs I know—and it’s a lot cuz they were the main ones in my life, including both parents—never cop to anything at all. Repent my ass. It’s all mine and everyone else’s sins ya know. They are just as pure as the driven snow, of course. 🙄🤮 SMDH.

  44. Scientology actually creates narcissism. It is actively encouraged. Openly. Its the core of the religion, it promotes manipulation, promises you will be more attractive, promises you will gain more power. Ironically, there are some positive things to this. A person without any self esteem, who feels ugly, who is easily manipulated can, to a certain degree find it empowering.

  45. Dr R dropping it like it’s blazing! Oh yes the ex narc was using Christian principles to lovebombing, gaslight, accuse & snare at me. The hypocrisy is mind blowing.

  46. Wow. You nailed it, Dr. Ramani. Enlisting God as your co-conspirator when you do evil is blasphemous, but narcissists do it all the time.

  47. To quote my ex-narc: "I'm a Christian. I cannot lie." He totally ABUSES GOD!! And I have a hard time figuring out how God allows this to happen. He even held the bible into my face with verses of forgiveness, so he can get away with his crimes. His forcing of religion onto me never worked for me.

  48. My ex husband narc used our Catholic faith to deflect what he was doing. During the years when his behavior was irrational and he was emotionally abusive and I didn’t think I could go on that way, he would convince me our marriage was a sacrament and it could not be broken. Yet, I found out he had been cheating on me most of our marriage. He would go ballistic if one of the kids lied to him. Yet he was constantly lying about where he was and what he was doing. When I stood up to him he pulled out the “wives be submissive to your husband” quote from the Gospel. Sunday mass was showtime for him. He made sure our children were dressed very well, despite the fact he refused to help get them ready unless I got all of their clothes out and brought them to him to get dressed. Then of course I was yelled at for not being ready and him wondering what I was doing this whole time?
    At church he was Amazing Dad. Our kids sat quietly and were very well behave. He took a crying child out or took them to the restroom. All to look so helpful with others watching. The same father who rarely helped out at home. It so annoyed the older kids who were used to helping out, especially when he would grab a child away from them so he could put on his phony wonderful dad show. So many compliments after mass about our wonderful family.

    Thank you Dr. Ramani for bringing this topic to light. I was always sickened by his slimy behavior in God’s house. Of course when I mentioned this to him, the gaslighting would begin…

  49. I know that your time is limited, but certainly valuable. I wish that you would expound more on this subject matter. I agree with you 100% on this.

    To me, religion is nothing more than fables, fairy tales and fuckery!

    I respect NO religion!

    I DO, however respect people as human beings…except for racists and bigots!

  50. I think Gabor Maté did a similar video but he had a much broader perspective on spiritual figures. Anyone can make a video and say if you harm someone that’s bad but isn’t that to vague? Human relationships are complicated, no? People do get passionate. Gabor said you can find the most spiritually knowledgeable people in the world that can change your whole foundation on the way you even view reality but themselves can be quite faulted.

    I consider myself to be profoundly knowledgeable about what we call, “spirit.” But I have regulation system issues, independence issues, a whole mess of things. But I am fully aware of them and know I need to work on being a better person. No one is perfect. Everyone acts badly at some point.

    From a higher perspective, when you reach the point where science and religion or spiritual knowledge fit together that there is no separation, you can own that but that does not mean you still do not have huge issues to work out.

    It’s actually very interesting how psychology and spirituality overlap so perfectly. To be better, to be more compassionate. To not be so quick to judge but to know when to protect yourself.

    And then there are the metaphysics, the parapsychology that inevitably breaks completely away of what we can measure and what is assumed reality…. but that’s not your gig or even close to what you are talking about here. This video is about power. And there is nothing wrong with power if its harnessed for the right reasons.

  51. The first time I encountered a "spirituality" narcissist blew…my…mind. Stole money. I gave her the benefit of a doubt. I wasn't even that upset. But when I wanted to clear the air she freaked out. Quit the group she she was using the money from. Said I was projecting my issues onto her and she started her own group which mimicked mine. It was so confusing because she came off all loving and peaceful. It was insane!!! And, my mother is "Christian" and everything is about her. She basically disowned me for asking too many questions when I was little. Then she said my sister has God given gifts and I don't. My sister is straight up manipulative! I'm now 35 and can finally see it. I do consider myself a Christian and it is such a difficult path to stay on but I finally have true peace and the ability to discern. The narcissists will break the ability to discern. It's is how they gain the upper hand and they start when we're children. I don't even tell my daughter there's a Santa because I don't want her to have any doubt in what's real and fake.

  52. I was married to a religious narcissist. 3months after I moved in with him I moved out. It was the most terrible experience of my life. He used the bible to emotionally abuse me and accused me of terrible things. Then he would justify it by saying, "God is my Father, I know EVERYTHING because I'm a prophet" He would also say he's the greatest man of God alive and all other preachers would come to him seeking his wisdom, counsel and power. Mind you, he was living in his mama's house, with only about 8 members that left within 6 months but he would talk big about how God was going to bless him and he would become a multimillionaire. And anyone who doesn't suffer with him will not enjoy his glory. 5 years later he's 36, STILL in his mother's house, singing the same old song but nobody is buying it

  53. He was in aa. He was always saying how spiritual he was and how wrong I was. He would thump that big book and say well I'm an alcoholic… what do you expect. Or I have to be selfish sometimes it's a selfish program.

  54. I’ve known two narcissistic pastors, they were super skilled at using spirituality to manipulate their congregation. The absolute worst though were pastors children. Kids that were put on pedestals since infancy, some were absolutely horrible and people just looked the other way. Your not supposed to call out the anointed (or their children).

  55. Can we talk about how good you look? Religion gives really bad people an excuse to be an A Hole… If it gives someone a sense of peace and direction in life or the foundation for helping others, that's a good thing. But if it's used to harm or take advantage of others, that's where I part ways with organized religion. The abuse of organized religion is why I am not into organized religion. Some of the worst and most evil people I have come across have been "religious" or "God fearing" people. This right here – 6:25 and 7:29

  56. Thank you so much! You have helped me so much in my recovery. And yes, he joined my church and that was a big part of the con. 😇😈

  57. This like so many other red flags of narcissism are the same as porn users. I would love if you made a video on the connection between narcissism & porn addiction. Thank you.

  58. This insight is exactly what should be a topic in any religious education. It might be a small step in warning people for the wolfs among them. Thank you.

  59. Dr. Ramani, you're brilliant. I've been watching your videos for a little while now, it started in attempting to figure out whether I have a narcissistic parent. Much to my surprise, you made me realize I was in a religious cult, and you're part of the reason I decided to leave about two weeks ago. As if by divine grace, in this video you describe exactly the person that put me under a spell… and many, many others. Hopefully they'll wake up soon. Thank you so much, the information you're putting out is extremely valuable.

  60. My hushusband is a TRUE DEFINITION of a COVERT NARCISSIST n HYPOCRITIVE HOLIER THAN THOU PREACHER, n a BILLIONAIRE. The power he has over must people shocks n amazes me, he is a true definition of a DEVIL.

  61. I am a survivor of a family cult and a religious cult… Cults are havens created by a narcissist or narcissists… We live in a pyramid matrix of cult systems. Families, religions, government/politics, academics, business/corporations… People are AWAKENING, thanks to people like Dr. Ramani and others, who are helping people to become aware, mentally and emotionally healthier and DE-CULTING human society… Just think of ALL the human ails that will be better controlled like child sexual abuse and human sex slave trade, if human society got rid of the CULTS that NARCISSISTS create…

  62. I found this a very helpful video. Really interesting insights on how narcissistic people can hide behind religion – but also behind 'spirituality' and use their alignment with spirituality as a means of acting with grandiosity/self righteousness towards and over others. Thank you for this timely video.

  63. I have a scenario. If you put a narcissist in solitary confinement, what happens? They’d totally be cut off from any supply….. what happens to them? They Narc themselves? They probably just shutdown.

  64. I used to live in a share situation with this woman who would make up these elaborate stories about members of her family and past friends and how bad, nasty or evil they were supposed to be. She would also make up stories about her ex-boyfriend who she kept on saying was going to take her away from living on a benefit. She also used to bully me and put me down in front of her kids when they would visit due to her custody agreement. She would also bully her oldest daughter in front of me. She would also do things like feed the neighbourhood dogs and then expect me to clean up all the dog shit. When I first moved in, she said she did not want me starting a relationship while living with her, but then she started inviting men home for sex, which I would run into, as she had put her bed in the lounge. Then all of a sudden, she decided she was going to become Catholic. Then there would be more drama, like when the main guy she was seeing wanted a deeper connection and she decided that he just wanted to take advantage of her because she had “seen the light” and decided to abstain until marriage.
    Things came to a head when her sixteen-year-old daughter became pregnant after sleeping with a group leader on a church camping trip. After hearing the news, I witnessed her banging the doors of the kitchen yelling “How could this happen to me!” A few weeks later she admitted that she knew that teenage church group had issues such as group leaders sleeping with their under-age members, but she let her daughter be involved with them anyway with no prior warning, or even informing her daughter of some past allegations. Then she had a breakdown. She basically became obsessed with the last chapter in the bible, which talks about the apocalypse. She decided that she would be the one who could decipher the word of God and figure out the hidden meaning relating the last chapter. Then she decided she wanted to start her own church and wanted me to be her first apostle. This is about the time she decided to tell me that she was the Virgin Mary reincarnated. Then she decided that she was being taunted by a dark angel sent by the devil. She even rang up her pregnant daughter one day and told her she should abort her child as it will be the spawn of Satan. Eventually she decided that she could no longer stay in the house because it was possessed. She had everyone looking for her for about two weeks. Then when she finally came home, she blamed me for her breakdown, accusing me of wanting to take over her house. Prior to moving in she told me that she would look out for me as I was dumped at the YMCA by my brother and uncle when I first came back to Auckland New Zealand, and I have a disability. She threw me out around 11.30pm, about an hour after walking through the front door.

  65. "Highly religiois people" are less motivated by compassion than are non believers, the new research from the University of California Berkeley.

    In any religion theistic nontheistic religion compassion is core. However, compassion without wisdom is folly and Wisdom without campassion is ruthless.

  66. Ty soooo much. I was only daughter of the narcissistic born-again Christian parents ..that instilled guilt and fear into me(not my two brothers though)[email protected] a very young age..

    I remember having my first anxiety attack & guilt at seven. I was sneaking candy in bed ,& felt guilt & thought i was going to burn in hell for sinning. I came to figure out that instead of going to drugs or alcohol they went to religion (other family members are not “born again “..)when I was three.. to hide/attempt to heal trauma from childhood.

    My father’s trauma was with Catholic Church.They are baby boomers. Oddly their narcissism came out the worst when I was an adult, And used my physical suffering with endometriosis ..and being bedridden to get adoration because they did not believe me.. to gain mass supply and adoration..I couldn’t defend myself as I was again bedridden.

    When it came out that I was truly suffering I was completely ostracized ..and they have kept their lying to the whole family, Nobody will speak to me ..they have completely presented themselves as the victims. My mother is the most sick actually and was the main plotter.. had a whole church praying for her while I abandoned ..and she poisoned/stole all my relationship she could not make on her own.
    I cannot thank you enough for how awesome and how much time you put in Sharing all of this information. It’s helped so much.

  67. My dad is not just a narcissist but a sociopath and a minister although now without a church, still writes books on Christianity and teaches theology (has a PhD). When I was a kid he would joke about not believing in God, he was not kidding but knew all of us thought he was. It was not until I was older I realized it was no joke he would even explain it like this “well if a doctor smokes and tells others not to why can’t I be a priest without faith?”

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