Time to whip out those dildo swords! This is the Saints Row chronology in 3 minutes! Let’s begin! 2006 Stilwater City. An unnamed man called only the playa, witnesses massive bloodbath involving the city’s three main gangs. Los Carnales, Vice Kings, and the Westside Rollerz. he is saved by Julius from 3rd Street Saints, a small gang attempting to put an end to the ceaseless gang war in Stilwater. The playa is recruited by Julius and taught the ways of the street. He crusades against the three gangs, destroying them, earning all the city’s turf for the Saints. The playa, in an effort to prevent Julius from being arrested kills the mayor of Stillwater and the corrupt chief of police. But he’s caught after an awesome YACHT EXPLOSION! EXTREEEEEEEEEEMMMMMEEEEE He is arrested by Hughes, who tricked the playa into killing the mayor, wanting to take over stillwater he killed off important members of the Saints. After awakening from a coma cause by that EXTREME explosion the playa breaks out of Stilwater Penitentiary to fight 3 new gangs that have taken over Stilwater and the 3rd St Saints have disappeared. It’s almost like everything you did was for NOTHING “Thanks for buying our games.” The playa busts his right hand man, Johnny Gat, out of prison and begins a new war with all 3 gangs. The Ultor store corporation, a malevolent company that uses a private army to wipe out gangs and solidify their iron grasp on Stilwater. The playa destroys the 3 new gangs and Ultor Corporation, taking over total control of Stilwater in the process once again! What’s that? You didn’t want to play the first game over again as a sequel? Well ask and you sure as shit will receive! The playa discovers that Julius set him on the yacht with the EXTREME explosion. And in a final act of rebellion… Executes him! EXTREME EXECUTION!!!!!! Thus eliminating any potential for competition in Stilwater. Because there are no rival factions left in Stilwater the Saints Row grow into a massive corporation rivaling that of the now partnered Ultor. The Saints use their fame like a brand to sell energy drinks, bobble heads, and clothing! And keep themselves relevant by deciding to attack another city: Steelport After the Saints rob a bank owned by a new rival faction, The Syndicate, Johnny Gat is killed. and the Saints vow to destroy to Syndicate from the ground up and destroy another three factions in order to conquer Steelport. As the gang war escalates a special government military force called STAG is brought in to put the Saints in a rival’s town. The Saints outmaneuver STAG and save the town, putting them in good terms with the public eye. Wow, that turned out WAY better than it should have. Years later the Saints work with the government because of course they do. The playa is eventually elected as President of the United States of America after saving the world from the former leader of STAG, who has gone insane and try to nuke Washington DC. Once elected, the earth is attached by the Zin alien intergalactic Empire…. WTF The playa is captured and placed in a machine, forcing him to experience simulations. He escapes and calls for reinforcements, angering the Zin. (so they blow up the planet) Once again making everything you have done beforehand completely pointless! Thanks for buying our games ya stupid shit. Swearing revenge for earth, The playa dives back into the simulation to defeat the Zin and rescue his allies. The Saints discover Johnny Gat is not dead and recruit him for the final assault on Zinyak, the Emperor of the Zin. The playa defeats Zinyak by By TEARING his head off EXTREME decapitation! Using time travel, the Saints visit earth before it was destroyed. ..and that’s pretty much it… So that was Saints Row and I am done using this voice! Geeze… anyway are you guys looking forward to Saints Row 5? I mean what are they going to do after the earth exploding? Let us know down below.