Mary-Louise Parker Has Become A Syrup Farmer

Mary-Louise Parker Has Become A Syrup Farmer


PLEASE WELCOME MARY-LOUISE
PARKER! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>HI! HAPPY ALMOST HALLOWEEN.>>Stephen: YOU, TOO. DO YOU DO THE HALLOWEEN STILL? DO YOU DRESS UP?>>OH, YEAH. HANDS-FREE CANDY. IT STARTS NOW, THOUGH. MY KIDS WERE GETTING IT FROM THE
DOORMAN. DON’T THEY HAVE THAT WHERE YOU
LIVE, LIKE THEY HAVE THE BUCKET OUT ALREADY WITH CANDY?>>Stephen: I DON’T LIVE IN A
DOORMAN BUILDING.>>I’M SORRY, STEPHEN.>>Stephen: I’LL GET THERE. I’LL PUT SOME OUTSIDE YOUR
PLACE.>>Stephen: DO YOU STILL DRESS
UP.>>LAST YEAR SOMEONE THOUGHT I
WAS DRESSED AS ME.>>Stephen: THEY THOUGHT YOU
WERE SOMEBODY DRESSING UP TO BE MARY LOUISE PARKER?>>YEAH. THEY SAID, SHE’S NOT AS TALL AS
YOU, THOUGH. I WAS, LIKE, YEAH, WELL.>>Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A
COSTUME WORKED OUT FOR THIS YEAR?>>THIS YEAR MY DAUGHTER AND I
ARE GOING TO BE VAMPIRES.>>Stephen: THAT’S COOL. I’M A VAMPIRE EVERY YEAR.>>OKAY.>>Stephen: IT’S THE SEXIEST
OF THE UNDEAD.>>RIGHT.>>Stephen: DON’T YOU THINK? I GUESS SO. I MEAN, I WENT ONE YEAR, I DID
MERMAID AND THEN I DID AN ELF BECAUSE MY SON WANTED TO BE
SANTA, AND I GOT A LOT OF ATTENTION AS THE ELF, I HAVE TO
SAY MORE THAN SNOW WHITE OR THE MERMAID. AND I WAS MORE COVERED, ALSO. IT WAS A MORE DEMURE COSTUME. KIND OF NORDIC, FANTASY, LIKE
NORTH POLE, VELVET, CRUSHED VELVET.>>Stephen: OKAY. WE SHOULD MOVE ON. THIS IS CBS. SO YOU WERE AT SHOW “TIME” FOR
YEARS.>>I WAS. I WENT ON SHOW “TIME” BACK WHEN
PEOPLE MADE FUN OF ME FOR BEING ON SHOW “TIME.”>>Stephen: I NEVER MADE FUN
OF YOU FOR BEING ON “LAT SHOW TI WE’RE GOING TO DO OUR SHOW LIVE
ON SHOW TIME FROM 11:00 TO 12. WOULD YOU ADVISE THAT?>>IF YOU’RE ON SHOW TIME YOU
HAVE TO BE AT LEAST PARTIALLY NAKED. IT’S ALSO A GOOD IDEA, ARE YOU
GOING TO HAVE SEX? SOME SEXUAL —
( LAUGHTER )>>Stephen: ON AIR, LIVE? WITH SOME PUNITIVE TONE, A
LIGHT FONDAGE, MAKES THE RATINGS.>>Stephen: DEPENDS ON HOW THE
POLLS ARE COMING IN.>>YOU DON’T HAVE TO. I MEAN, YOU KNOW.>>Stephen: I’M UP FOR IT. I’M UP FOR IT. YEAH. NOW, YOU LIVE IN A DOORMAN
BUILDING, YOU SAID, BUT I UNDERSTAND YOU ALSO HAVE A FARM
YOU CARE ABOUT.>>I DO CARE. I LIKE THAT. I CARE FOR MY FARM. I CARE ABOUT IT. OH, HERE IT IS.>>Stephen: SOME PEOPLE HAVE
FARMS BUT THEY DON’T LIVE THERE.>>THEY TAKE A PICTURE OF IT.>>Stephen: EXACTLY. THIS IS MAPLE SYRUP —
>>WE TAPPED THE TREES FOR THIS SYRUP. THAT’S MY DADDY ON THE BACK.>>Stephen: OH, THAT’S REALLY
SWEET.>>I KNOW, AND WE — IT’S JUST
STRAIGHT OUT OF THE TREE.>>Stephen: HIGH MOON CREEK. BOIL IT. YOU CAN’T JUST TAKE IT STRAIGHT
OUT OF THE TREE.>>WE BOIL IT QUITE EXTENSIVELY
A FEW TIMES AND FILTER IT.>>Stephen: YOU CAN’T JUST
STICK A STRAW IN A MAPLE TREE.>>YOU COULD, IT’S NOT AS SWEET. ARE YOU GOING TO TASTE IT? I’M SO EXCITED. ( CHEERING )
>>Stephen: THAT’S DAMN FINE! THAT’S GOOD, RIGHT?>>Stephen: WOW! WHAT’S THAT, LIKE A MEDIUM
AMBER? WHAT IS THIS?>>THIS IS THE FIRST CROP, FIRST
BATCH, SO IT’S NICE, RIGHT?>>Stephen: THAT’S REALLY
GOOD. WOW. SO YOU BIRTH THE ANIMALS. I UNDERSTAND YOU HAD TROUBLES
WITH SOME OF YOUR GOATS. YOU HAD TO GET REAL HANDS ON
WITH A RANDY GOAT.>>WELL, THE GOATS ARE GIVEN ME
LOTS OF OPPORTUNITIES AS AN ADULT. I GET TO SAY MY FAVORITE
SENTENCE I’VE EVER SAID TO MY CHILDREN WHICH WAS COULD ONE OF
YOU GET THAT UMBILICAL CORD OFF THE COFFEE TABLE? ( LAUGHTER )
YEAH.>>Stephen: YEAH, ONE OF THE
THINGS WE’VE LOST IN OUR MODERN LIFE.>>IT IS. I LIKED BEING ABLE TO — I LOVED
THAT DIALOGUE.>>Stephen: YEAH. THERE WAS A GOAT. I WASN’T PUSHING FOR CASTRATION
OF THE GOAT –>>Stephen: SO THE GOAT WAS IN
TROUBLE WITH THE HERD?>>YEAH, LOBBYING FOR THE OTHER
DUDE GOATS WHO WEREN’T GETTING A SHOT. THEY WEREN’T GETTING ANY CHANCES
AT THE LADY GOATS.>>Stephen: THAT’S MAJOR. THIS ONE BILLY GOAT WAS
REALLY RAVAGING THE LADY GOATS.>>Stephen: BULLY OR STUD? FINE LINE.>>I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN. HE WAS REALLY STRADDLING THAT
GREY AREA. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT IN THE END I FELT LIKE HE — ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH, OKAY. HE WENT AFTER MY SON’S GOAT, WHO
I HAVE A REAL SOFT SPOT FOR, AND THAT’S WHEN I REALLY SAID THIS
IS WHERE IT STOPS.>>Stephen: GET THE GELDING
SHEERS.>>THEY’RE ACTUALLY CALLED
DE-NUTTERS. I SWEAR TO GOD THEY ARE. IF YOU EVER HAVE ME ON AGAIN
WHICH YOU PROBABLY WON’T, I’LL BRING THEM WITH ME.>>Stephen: PLEASE DO AND SIT
IN THAT CHAIR. ( LAUGHTER )
>>IT REALLY WAS MY WAY OF — I WAS TRYING TO END LIST THE
SUPPORT OF EVERYONE ELSE’S SUPPORT OF THE MALE GOATS. THEY WEREN’T GETTING ANY PLAY. THE LADIES WERE LIMPING AROUND,
BLEATING SADLY TO THEMSELVES. THEY WERE EXHAUSTED.>>Stephen: SO DID YOU END UP
CHOPPING OFF THE NUTS OF THIS GOAT?>>IN FACT, WE DIDN’T. I FIRST HAD TO SIT ON THE GOAT,
AND MY NEIGHBOR WAS HOLDING HIM DOWN AND WE ULTIMATELY DEARMED
THE GOAT.>>Stephen: WAS HE THAT BAD? I’M PRETTY GOOD WITH ANATOMY,
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO EXTREMES –>>Stephen: GOAT TIME. EXACTLY. WE THOUGHT IF WE COULD GO WITH
THE HORNS THAT WOULD CALM HIM DOWN.>>Stephen: DO YOU TAKE THE
HORNS OFF?>>YEAH, AND IT SORT OF DAMPENED
HIS WHOLE –>>Stephen: BECAUSE HE CAN’T
FIGHT THE OTHER GOATS?>>BECAUSE HE HAD WITH THE COVER
BAND GOING, LIKE WITH THE COMMODORES OR SOMETHING. HE WAS SHRINKING UP TO ALL THE
OTHER GOATS.>>Stephen: DID NOT FOLLOW THE
COMMODORES MET FOR, BUT LET’S MOVE ON.>>WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THE
APHRODISIAC, YOU KNOW, YOU PUT A SOUND TRACK TO THE GOATS SORT OF
SIDLING UP TO A LADY GOAT.>>Stephen: LIKE THE
COMMODORES! OW!>>I WAS THINKING OF I’M EASY OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.>>Stephen: THAT’S YOUR GO-TO
ROMANTIC SONG?>>I DON’T KNOW THAT I HAVE ONE
AT THOSE TIMES WHEN I’M GETTING ROMANTIC WITH A GOAT.>>Stephen: RIGHT NOW YOU’RE
ROMANTIC WITH BROADWAY. YOU’RE AT THE MANHATTAN THEATER
CLUB DOING “HEISENBERG.” ( APPLAUSE )
“HEISENBERG,” OBVIOUSLY, A THEORETICAL PHYSICIST. DO I HAVE TO KNOW PHYSICS TO
UNDERSTAND THIS PLAY?>>NO. IN FACT, I PREFER MY AUDIENCE
MEMBERS TO BE STUPID. I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD BE — THAT
WAY YOU DON’T KNOW HAVE TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT AT ALL ABOUT
ANYTHING LIKE THAT. IT’S POETIC METAPHOR. I’M VERY IMPRESSED YOU KNOW HE
WAS — A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK HE WAS — HE WAS A QUANTUM
MECHANICS THEORETICAL PHYSICIST BUT THAT YOU MADE THAT
DISTINCTION IS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.>>Stephen: THAT’S ALL I WANT
TO BE. ( APPLAUSE )
THIS IS RUNNING NOW?>>IT IS. THAT’S MY VERY SEXY CO-STAR WHO
IS GETTING LOTS OF LADY ATTENTION AT THE MOMENT, 77,
MAKING HIS BROADWAY DEBUT.>>Stephen: WOW. ( APPLAUSE )
>>I KNOW. HE’S WONDERFUL.>>Stephen: “HEISENBERG”
PRESENTED BY THE MANHATTAN THEATRE CLUB IS ON BROADWAY AND
“DEAR MR. YOU” IS AVAILABLE NOW. MARY-LOUISE PARKER, EVERYBODY! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
PUSHA T.

100 Replies to “Mary-Louise Parker Has Become A Syrup Farmer”

  1. Charming and attractive, she may 'care' about her farm, but nearly everything she said about it revealed that she knows nothing about it. Maybe less than nothing, though few here will care. After all, food comes from factories, and if you live in a city, why would you care where carbon is sequestered or oxygen generated?

  2. its awesome every time the guests are witty and intelligent – he brings out the best of such people. Despite both having great comic skills, neither of them "really" laughed at their own statements / jokes.

  3. Damn I thought she was going to be one of the proud women that refuses to get plastic surgery and ages gracefully. She look weird now, not as weird as most plastic surgery women but weird nonetheless.

  4. And she is stupid as hell.

    He said specifically of the "undead" and she started to talk about mermaids and Santa.

    No wonder people are sheeple. They watch idiots like her on TV all day.

    That explains how she got hired. At least partially naked and having sex.

  5. She looks like the most annoying person in the restaurant… "Uh, waiter? I did NOT ask for this. I said i wanted NO olives! There are TWO olives!".

  6. Mary-Louise Parker is hot. But I think her older sister, Sage Parker, whom was cast in the first "Robocop" movie was more attractive at the time of its filming.

  7. She's so hot !
    Seeing her naked was the only thing that prevented me from turning gay myself while watching Angels in America .
    Not even kidding …

  8. Lol Nancy was the worst mother on television ever. She would go sleep with so many different men while she had her children at home even after she had a baby . That being said , she's got great titties for a 53 yr old.

  9. Nope. Wait a second… She can't be both Nancy Botwin AND Heisenberg… It's either weed or smack, b*tch!

  10. Love her work wish she was doing more on the mid west since ,she is so good l would pay good money to here her read the phone book !

  11. 7:15 MUHAHA what a Segway you’re a genius Colbert! “Getting romantic with broadway” your a comedy genius. How does it glow like that? Get in class Stephen is the Teacher!!

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