In the House – 3×13 – Saint Marion (Part 1)

In the House – 3×13 – Saint Marion (Part 1)


MAX, I CANNOT BELIEVE
YOU WOULD DO THAT AT THE SOUP KITCHEN
ON CELEBRITY DAY. HEY, I SAW WHITNEY HOUSTON,
AND I GRABBED HER. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME
TO DO? TAKE A SECOND TO SEE
IT WAS A MAN IN DRAG. WELL, AT LEAST MARION
DID NOT LIE TO YOU. MARION,
YOU SAID IF I HELPED,
I WAS GONNA MEET BATMAN. I DIDN’T LIE.
YOU MET HIM. I WANTED TO MEET
THE FINE NINETIES BATMAN, NOT THAT FAT GUY
FROM THE SIXTIES BATMAN. I DIDN’T TAKE YOU THERE
TO MEET CELEBRITIES. I TOOK YOU THERE TO LEARN
TO HELP PEOPLE. I HELPED. TELLING BATMAN TO BACK AWAY
FROM THE DESSERT TABLE
DOES NOT COUNT. DO YOU THINK
THE LOCAL NEWS CREW GOT A PICTURE OF US
AT THE SOUP KITCHEN? YEAH, BUT NOT MARION. HE SPENT
THE WHOLE NIGHT OUTSIDE
SERVING PEOPLE. THEY WERE COLD. BESIDES,
I DIDN’T WANT TO ACT
LIKE A CELEBRITY. PRETTY EASY TO DO
WHEN YOU’RE NOT ONE. OH, SO YOU’RE CLEAR
ON CELEBRITIES. IT’S JUST
THE MALE/FEMALE THING THAT’S
A LITTLE CONFUSING. I’M THIRSTY.
I’M GONNA WATCH THE NEWS
IN THE KITCHEN. YEAH, I’LL JOIN YOU. MAYBE A COLD DRINK
WILL WASH AWAY THE MEMORY
OF WHITNEY WITH BEARD STUBBLE. OH, LOOK! IT’S ON! THE ANNUAL CHARITY SOUP KITCHEN
WAS A SUCCESS, DESPITE AN ATTACK ON
A WHITNEY HOUSTON LOOK-ALIKE. HA HA HA HA! FATHER SULLIVAN, DIRECTOR
OF THE SOUP KITCHEN, WAS AS BUSY AS A BEE. FATHER SULLIVAN.
THAT’S MY MAN.
I LOVE THAT GUY. SADLY, OUR CAMERAMAN NOTICED
FORMER RAIDER MARION HILL, WHO APPARENTLY HAS FALLEN
ON HARD TIMES HIMSELF. OH, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING. MARION HILL…HE WENT
FROM THE GATOR BOWL
TO THE SOUP BOWL. FROM HAND-OFFS… TO HANDOUTS. WHAT? ¶ UHH ¶ UHH ¶ CHECK IT OUT ¶ UHH ¶ NO BIGGIE-D ¶ NO DOUBT, BABY ¶ NO BIGGIE-D ¶ NO DOUBT, UH-HUH ¶ NO BIGGIE-D ¶ NO DOUBT, BABY ¶ NO BIGGIE-D ¶ NO DOUBT, UH-HUH ¶ IN THE HOUSE ¶ UHH ¶ UHH ¶ WE IN THE HOUSE ¶ CHECK IT OUT ¶ IN THE HOUSE, BABY ¶ NO BIGGIE-D ¶ NO DOUBT, BABY ¶ NO BIGGIE-D ¶ NO DOUBT, UH-HUH ¶ WE IN THE HOUSE CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
NBC PRODUCTIONS
AND THE UNITED PARAMOUNT NETWORK NO. MARION HILL
DOESN’T NEED ANY MONEY, BUT IF YOU’RE INTO GIVING, YOU COULD HELP A SISTER OUT
WITH HER RENT. MARION, THE PHONE’S
BEEN RINGING OFF THE HOOK WITH PEOPLE CALLING
CONCERNED ABOUT YOU. TELL ME ABOUT IT. I STOPPED AT
THE FREEWAY OFF RAMP. THE GUY GAVEME
A DOLLAR. I SURE HOPE PEOPLE
ARE THIS KIND TO ME
WHEN I’M DOWN ON MY LUCK. I AM NOT
DOWN ON MY LUCK. YO, MARION!
THE PARKING ATTENDANT TOOK UP A COLLECTION
FOR YOU, MAN. WE GOT, UH, 10 BUCKS,
SOME CANNED GOODS, AND A SUGAR HILL GANG
T-SHIRT. THE NEWS STORY
WAS WRONG, RENO. I DON’T NEED
ANY HELP. ALL RIGHT, MAN,
BUT JUST REMEMBER… YOU CAN’T EAT PRIDE,
MY BROTHER. THAT’S IT. I’M GETTING
THAT TV STATION
TO ISSUE A RETRACTION. GOOD FOR YOU. AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, HAVE THEM BUY
THEIR FEMALE REPORTER
A NEW WIG. THE GIRL LOOKS LIKE
DON KING IN A WINDSTORM. GUESS WHAT? I SNAGGED
AN INTERVIEW
FOR A NEW POSITION. SO, YOU’RE LEAVING US? I’M GONNA MISS YOU, MAN. NO, I’M NOT LEAVING. WELL, I WASN’T GONNA
MISS YOU. IT’S A PART-TIME JOB ON THE MEDICAL
ADVISORY BOARD AT
ST. BART’S HOSPITAL, ONE OF L.A.’s
MOST PRESTIGIOUS
MEDICAL CENTERS. UH-HUH. SO, DO THEY KNOW
ABOUT THAT LITTLE WATCH
IN THE BELLY MISHAP? LOOK, I NEVER
SEWED A WATCH
IN A PATIENT. IT WAS– YOU KNOW WHAT?
I’VE MOVED ON
FROM THAT. OH. MEANWHILE,
A MAN IN BOSTON BURPS CORRECT TIME. SO, WHY ARE YOU
SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS? ST. BART’S IS
A VERY ELITE INSTITUTION. IF I GET IN, I COULD
SLOWLY REGAIN MY LIFE,
REBUILD MY DREAMS. LOOK, I’D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU COULD SIGN THIS
LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION. FINE. NO, NO, NO.
DON’T SIGN YOUR NAME.
SIGN BILL CLINTON’S. MAX, I CAN’T FORGE
THE PRESIDENT’S NAME ON YOUR LETTER
OF RECOMMENDATION. WHY? I MET THE MAN ONCE.
HE SEEMED TO LIKE ME. IF HE GOT TO KNOW ME BETTER, HE’D WRITE ME
A GLOWING LETTER. MAX, THIS IS LYING. NO, NO, NO, NO. IT’S CALLED
SHADING THE TRUTH. MAX, WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS? BECAUSE APPEARANCES
ARE EVERYTHING
TO THESE PEOPLE. NO. APPEARANCES ARE
EVERYTHING TO YOU. YOU KEEP PRETENDING
TO BE SOMETHING YOU’RE NOT,
AND YOU’LL FALL ON YOUR FACE. HOPEFULLY,
I’LL FALL ON MY FACE IN A CORNER OFFICE
AT ST. BART’S. YOU’LL NEVER CHANGE. OH, EXCUSE ME,
I FORGOT… I WAS IN THE PRESENCE
OF THE COOLEST GUY
ON SKID ROW. WELL,
ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN, ‘CAUSE I’M GONNA CALL
THAT STATION AND GET THEM TO ISSUE
A RETRACTION ON THAT STORY. WELL, THEN,
YOU’RE A HYPOCRITE. WANTING A RETRACTION
MAKES YOU JUST AS VAIN
ABOUT YOUR IMAGE AS I AM. YOU’RE RIGHT. I DON’T NEED
A TV RETRACTION. I WENT TO THE SOUP KITCHEN
BECAUSE TRUE CHARITY
COMES FROM CARING, SO I DON’T CARE WHAT
PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME.
I CAN TAKE IT. MARION, ONE OF THE JANITORS
DROPPED THIS OLD LEISURE SUIT
OFF FOR YOU. IT STILL SMELLS LIKE
HIGH KARATE. MARION HILL
DOESN’T WANT YOUR MONEY,
NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT IS. THAT MUCH? SEND IT TO HIS ATTORNEY–
TONIA HARRIS. NEVER MIND. HEY, HENRY. HI, TONIA. HOW’S LIFE
TREATING YOU? LIKE IT’S A WELL-FED
CIRCUS ELEPHANT, AND I’M THAT GUY
WALKING BEHIND IT
WITH A SHOVEL. WHAT’S THE PROBLEM? YOU KNOW YOUR FRIEND WENDY
FROM THE DEAD LETTER OFFICE? OH, YEAH.
SHE’S COOL PEOPLE. WHAT’S GOING ON
BETWEEN YOU TWO? WELL, JUST AS I
WAS GETTING CLOSE TO HER, SHE GOT DISTRACTED
BY ONE OF THOSE FLASHY GUYS
FROM OVERNIGHT MAIL. HA HA! HENRY, HOW LONG
WE BEEN FRIENDS? 3 YEARS. EVER SINCE YOU TRIED
TO GET JAMES BROWN
HIS OWN STAMP. I STILL DON’T SEE
WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS. I MEAN, IF JAMES
CAN SAY, “HIT ME,” WHY CAN’T HE SAY,
“LICK ME?” SEE, YOU’RE SO RELAXED
AND FUNNY. I WISH I COULD BE THAT WAY
AROUND WENDY. I KNOW
WHAT KIND OF GUYS
WENDY LIKES. SHE’S LIKES
THEM COOL BOYS. HENRY,
I’M GONNA TEACH YOU
HOW TO BE COOL. HEY,
I’M ALREADY COOL. AAH! HA HA HA.
WELL, DR. STANTON, YOUR CLINIC
IS VERY IMPRESSIVE. I BELIEVE
YOU SHOULD ALWAYS
SEE A CANDIDATE IN HIS ENVIRONMENT. AND I BELIEVE
MERIT GETS YOU THE JOB,
NOT SUCKING UP. $10 CIGAR? NO, THANKS. NOW, YOU LOOK GOOD
ON PAPER, DOCTOR, BUT WE AT ST. BART’S
LIKE MEN WHO POSSESS HUMANITY. WELL,
THAT’S ME ALL THE WAY. I PRIDE MYSELF ON
MY KINDNESS TO OTHERS. HEY, MAX,
YOU GOT A MINUTE? NO. GET OUT–I MEAN,
GET OUT OF HERE, BUDDY,
OF COURSE I DO. I DIDN’T KNOW
YOU HAD COMPANY.
I’LL COME BACK LATER. THAT WAS MARION HILL. I SAW THE NEWS STORY
ON HIM. IT’S, UH, SAD
HOW HE’S FALLEN
ON HARD TIMES. NO, HE DIDN’T,
BECAUSE… I GAVE HIM A JOB. REALLY? WELL, THAT’S VERY NOBLE
OF YOU, DOCTOR. WELL… DR. STANTON,
YOU’LL BE HEARING
FROM ME SHORTLY. THANK YOU. I HATE TO INTERRUPT YOU
AGAIN– NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.
WE’RE ALL VERY PROUD OF YOU. THANK YOU. DON’T BUY LIQUOR. MARION, LOOK! DID YOU SEE
ALL THIS MAIL
YOU GOT? MAN, WHAT COULD BE
IN ALL THESE ENVELOPES? DON’T ASK ME.
IT’S RUDE TO READ
OTHER PEOPLE’S MAIL. I’LL OPEN IT LATER. IT’S MONEY. PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE POOR,
SO THEY SENT MONEY. LOOK. YOU WERE RIGHT.
HELPING PEOPLE
DOES HAVE ITS REWARDS. MAN, THERE’S HUNDREDS
OF DOLLARS HERE. OH, I KNOW.
IS IT TOO LATE FOR ME TO PRETEND
LIKE I’M POOR? TIFFANY,
YOU NEED TO LEARN
HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO GIVE TO PEOPLE
LESS FORTUNATE
THAN YOURSELF. FRESHMEN? NOT FRESHMEN. LOOK. HERE… HERE’S $50. I’M GONNA
HELP YOU GROW. OH, YOU ARE
THE SWEETEST MAN! BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT
TO CHARITY. BUT YOU’RE SO CONFUSED. YOUR CHOICE.
WHATEVER CAUSE YOU THINK
IS MOST DESERVING. OK. YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
THANKS. I KNOW WHAT I’M
GONNA DO WITH IT. UNITED TIFFANY FUND
IS NOT A CHARITY. DAMN. NOW, THE FIRST THING
YOU SHOULD KNOW IS WOMEN LIKE MEN
WHO ARE CONFIDENT
BUT SHY, ASSERTIVE
BUT LAID-BACK, AND INTERESTED
BUT ALOOF. UH-HUH. AW, NOW DON’T GO GETTING
ALL INTIMIDATED. NOW, COME ON, WHAT WOULD
YOU SAY TO WENDY? OK. “HEY, WENDY, UH… YOU WANNA SEE
MY PAPER CUTS”? OH, NO, NO! YOU AIN’T EVEN
GONNA GET TO TOUCH THE ELASTIC
ON HER PANTIES
WITH THAT CORNY LINE! YOU GOT TO BE COOL! YOU GOT TO BE SMOOTH. OK? NOW, YOU BE WENDY,
AND I’LL BE YOU. WATCH. HEY, GIRL… I KNOW YOUR LEGS
MUST BE TIRED, ‘CAUSE YOU BEEN
RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND. I COULD NEVER BE
THAT COOL. SURE, YOU CAN! NOW, GET ON UP
AND SHOW ME THE WALK. OH, NO! NO, BABY! YOU GOT TO ROLL
THEM HIPS! COME ON! RELAX! YOU’RE ALL NERVOUS,
LIKE MC HAMMER
AT AN ATM MACHINE! WHAT THE HELL
KIND OF INJURY
ARE YOU TREATING? I’M TEACHING HENRY HERE
HOW TO BE COOL. HA HA HA. COME ON, HENRY, IT’S TIME TO LEARN
HOW TO HOLD A WOMAN. OHH. DON’T HURT HIM, TONIA. MARION HILL? THAT’S ME. [WHISTLES SOFTLY] AREN’T YOU VIOLATING
A COMPANY RULE BY LOOKING THAT GOOD
IN THAT UNIFORM? AREN’T YOU VIOLATING A RULE
BY TRYING TO PICK ME UP WHEN YOU EAT
AT SOUP KITCHENS? THAT’S IT. RUINING MY REPUTATION
IS ONE THING, BUT WHEN I LOSE A HONEY, IT’S TIME
TO TAKE ACTION. HELLO. CHANNEL 3 NEWS? NEWS DIRECTOR, PLEASE. THIS IS MARION HILL. YES, I GOT THE HAM. I AM NOT DESTITUTE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
MARION HILL
COULDN’T AFFORD A PHONE? HELLO? HELLO? THAT’S IT. I’M GOING DOWN
TO THE STATION MYSELF. SEEMS I’VE ARRIVED
JUST IN TIME TO GIVE YOU SOME
SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE. YES. FATHER SULLIVAN,
I’M SO GLAD
YOU STOPPED BY. HERE ARE THE DONATIONS
I TOLD YOU ABOUT. OH, THANK YOU, MARION. I MIGHT JUST BE ABLE
TO MAKE THE FIFTH RACE
AT SANTA ANITA. HUH?
HA HA.
I’M JUST KIDDING. OH. HA HA HA. NOW, I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN
AN EMBARRASSMENT FOR YOU, BUT BECAUSE OF ALL
THE PUBLICITY
YOU’VE GENERATED, DONATIONS HAVE BEEN
ROLLING IN. THAT’S GREAT. I WAS
JUST ABOUT TO GO AND– WE’VE TAKEN IN
TWICE AS MANY FAMILIES
AS BEFORE. THANK GOODNESS THAT
NOBODY REALLY KNEW THAT THAT STORY
WAS A MISTAKE, EH? YEAH.
THANK GOODNESS. YOU KNOW,
THE LORD DOES MOVE
IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS. OR, AS YOU ARE FOND
OF SAYING, “GOD IS THE MA-AN.” NOW, WHERE DID YOU SAY
YOU WERE GOING? UH… AFTERNOON MASS? OH. OH, YES.
HA HA. , I KNOW
THE SOUP KITCHEN
IS DOING BETTER, BUT ISN’T IT WRONG
TO LET PEOPLE THINK
I’M DESTITUTE? YES, IT IS. SO, YOU’LL UNDERSTAND
IF I SET THE RECORD
STRAIGHT? NO, I WON’T. SON, SOMETIMES
WE HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE GREATER
OF TWO GOODS. THAT’S A BIBLICAL STORY,
ISN’T IT? WHICH ONE IS IT? ACTUALLY,
IT’S FROM THE FILM
IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE. NOW, IF ONLY
WE COULD FIND A WAY TO MAKE
THIS MISUNDERSTANDING
LAST A LITTLE LONGER, THEN I MIGHT BE ABLE
TO GET DONATIONS
FOR ANOTHER YEAR. SO I SACRIFICE
EITHER MY REPUTATION OR THE WELFARE
OF A LOT OF FAMILIES. I–I DON’T WANT TO FORCE
YOUR DECISIONS… BUT IT’SHUNDREDS
OF FAMILIES. OK, FATHER,
I’LL KEEP IT QUIET. YOU’RE A GOOD MAN. HA HA HA. OH, YES. OH, YES, A HUG.
HA HA HA. YOU ARE AVERYGOOD MAN. HEY, MARION,
I’M ON MY WAY TO MY FINAL INTERVIEW
FOR ST. BART’S. I’LL BE BACK
TO PACK UP MY OFFICE
LATER. I’LL START
WHILE YOU’RE GONE. I JUST OVERHEAD
YOUR CONVERSATION
WITH FATHER SULLIVAN. THERE’S NO WAY
YOU’RE GONNA
KEEP THIS UP. YOU’RE AS CONCERNED
ABOUT YOUR IMAGE
AS THE REST OF US. I REALLY DON’T CARE
WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME. BESIDES, I’M SURE
IT’S ALREADY OLD NEWS. Man on TV: MARION HILL,
DESTITUTE FORMER RAIDER– Woman:
N.F.L.’s FALLING STAR– Woman: MARION HILL:
NO DINERO, NO CASA, NO NADA. HENRY! YOU READY? DAMN! I AM GOOD! THAT IS THE HAPPIEST CHAIR
IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. AW, SHUCKS, NOW! I THINK
YOU’RE ALMOST READY. ARE YOU SURE WENDY
WILL GO FOR THIS? YES, BECAUSE IT’S HARD
MEETING SOMEONE. LIKE INWAITING TO EXHALE. THOSE WOMEN CRIED, SANG,
AND BURNED CARS, AND AT THE END… THEY STILL DIDN’T HAVE
A DAMN MAN. WELL, THIS IS IT. WISH ME LUCK WITH WENDY. YOU KNOW I DO. DON’T GO TELLING
ANY OF THEM POSTAL JOKES
EITHER. I WON’T. THANK YOU. YOU’RE WELCOME. WAIT! WAIT!
THIS AIN’T RIGHT! NOW, IT’S RIGHT! YOU DID A GOOD JOB
HANDLING THAT GANG
OUT IN THE PARKING LOT. I’VE HAD IT
WITH THOSE PUNKS. EVERY TIME
YOU TURN AROUND,
THEY’RE IN YOUR FACE. [MOCKINGLY]
YOU WANT SOME
GIRL SCOUT COOKIES? NOW, MAX,
IF IT WAS UP TO ME,
YOU’D HAVE THE JOB. YOU’RE A DIRECT,
HONEST MAN,
AND I RESPECT THAT. WELL, THANK YOU.
AND I REALLY LIKE
YOUR TIE. SEE, I HAVE MY EYE
ON A BETTER POSITION
AT ST. BART’S, AND I THINK
YOU’D BE PERFECT
FOR MY JOB. ARE YOU
GETTING TALLER? DR. STANTON, I’D LIKE YOU
TO MEET DOCTORS REED
AND YOUNG FROM ST. BART’S. HOW ARE YOU?
PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. HELLO. SO, DR. STANTON,
THIS IS A VERY NICE
CIGAR CLUB.

36 Replies to “In the House – 3×13 – Saint Marion (Part 1)”

  1. Maia Campbell is so beautiful here. It's so sad what's happened in her life in the last few years. I truly hope she gets the help she needs.

  2. That's the brotha from living single! The one who tried to work at flava but couldn't spell… Damn I miss the 90's!

  3. Henry is the same guy Marlon and Shawn wayans tried to make cool for Dee on one episode of the wayan bros. now their sister is trying to make him cool.Lol.

  4. You ain’t even gonna get to touch the elastic on the panties with that line 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  5. In the house talking about all that blood or free cause I'm in the house talking my ass on and clean I do clean good soon I'm going to share it back with myself what's funny counting the money on the coner top and disposing the money in the bank and me if I got family cause I didnt say nor did I need shanita and Chris to have the same seat why you so kind to the family and in the mood to me that was my work who and how to push them off I'm still on antenna TV and DVD box

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