Donald Trump’s Compromise Got Him Nothing

Donald Trump’s Compromise Got Him Nothing


WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,” I’M
YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU I UNDERSTAND. CONGRATULATIONS, WE HAVE A
GOVERNMENT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PUTTING US ON EQUAL FOOTING WITH ZIMBABWE. ( LAUGHTER )
ON FRIDAY, TRUMP ANNOUNCED HE WAS SIGNING A COMPROMISE BILL TO
OPEN THE GOVERNMENT FOR 21 DAYS THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE MONEY FOR
A BORDER WALL. AH, YES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AH, YES — THE NEGOTIATOR-IN-CHIEF. “MY OPENING OFFER: GIVE ME WALL. IN RETURN, YOU OFFER NOTHING? I ACCEPT. ( LAUGHTER )
A PLEASURE ARTING THE DEAL WITH YOU.” TRUMP WAS FRUSTRATED THAT,
DURING THE STALEMATE, THE DEMS STUCK TOGETHER, REPORTEDLY
ASKING AIDES, “WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS SO LOYAL?”
“YES, WHY ARE THEY SO LOYAL? DO THEY ALL HAVE TAPES OF EACH
OTHER DOING PEE STUFF?” ( LAUGHTER )
“WHY? I DON’T — WHY ELSE?”
( PIANO RIFF ) BUT NOT EVERYONE THINKS DONALD
TRUMP FOLDED LIKE AN ORIGAMI SWAN. ( LAUGHTER )
FOR INSTANCE, DONALD TRUMP, HE TWEETED, “THIS WAS IN NO WAY A
CONCESSION. IT WAS TAKING CARE OF MILLIONS
OF PEOPLE WHO WERE GETTING BADLY HURT BY THE SHUTDOWN WITH THE
UNDERSTANDING THAT IN 21 DAYS, IF NO DEAL IS DONE, IT’S OFF TO
THE RACES!” “AND I KNOW RACES. MANY PEOPLE CALL ME A ‘RACIST’.” ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Jon: I HEARD THAT BEFORE! ALLEGEDLY.>>Stephen: I LIKE THAT GUY. AND TRUMP’S NOT BLUFFING. TAKE IT FROM ACTING CHIEF OF
STAFF AND BABYSITTER WHO LOST TWO OF THEM, MICK MULVANEY.>>IS THE PRESIDENT REALLY
PREPARED TO SHUT DOWN THE GOVERNMENT AGAIN IN THREE WEEKS?>>YEAH. I THINK HE ACTUALLY IS. KEEP IN MIND, HE’S WILLING TO DO
WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SECURE THE BORDER.>>STEPHEN: YEAH, WHATEVER IT
TAKES: POUTING, THREATENING, HOLDING HIS BREATH UNTIL HE
TURNS BLUE, WHICH WOULD BE A MORE NATURAL COLOR. ( LAUGHTER )
THE PRESIDENT IS COMPLETELY DUG IN. WHEN ASKED IF HE WOULD ACCEPT
LESS THAN $5.7 BILLION FOR HIS WALL, TRUMP SAID, “I DOUBT IT.” ( LAUGHTER )
SO, HE’S MAKING THE EXACT SAME OFFER, BACKED BY THE EXACT SAME
THREAT, BUT SOMEHOW HE EXPECTS DIFFERENT RESULTS. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
“THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY IS DONALD TRUMP.” ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: IS THAT RIGHT? IS THAT RIGHT? AND WE HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN OVER
THE LAST SHUTDOWN. A SPOKESMAN FOR THE NATION’S
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS PUT IT THIS WAY, “IT WILL BE LIKE
STARTING UP A 150-CAR FREIGHT TRAIN AND GETTING IT TO FULL
SPEED.” THAT’S HOW MUCH THE SHUTDOWN HAS
SET US BACK: AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS ARE USING TRAIN
METAPHORS. ( LAUGHTER )
WOW.>>Jon: WHOO!>>Stephen: SAD. OVER THE WEEKEND, TRUMP KEPT UP
HIS PUSH FOR BORDER SECURITY, TWEETING OUT THESE ALARMING
STATISTICS: “WE ARE NOT EVEN INTO FEBRUARY, AND THE COST
OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION SO FAR THIS YEAR IS $18,959,495,168.” “THERE ARE AT LEAST 25,772,342
ILLEGAL ALIENS, NOT THE 11,000,000 THAT HAVE BEEN
REPORTED FOR YEARS, IN OUR COUNTRY. SO RIDICULOUS! D.H.S.” ( LAUGHTER )
THOSE ARE SOME REALLY SPECIFIC NUMBERS. IN FACT, THAT TWEET SCORES
EXACTLY 4,394.907 ON MY BULL-CRAP-O-METER. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) COULD WE CALIBRATE IT? BECAUSE WITH THE WEATHER, THE
BULL CRAP MONITOR, VERY IMPORTANT. AND HERE’S THE THING: NOBODY HAS
ANY IDEA WHERE THOSE NUMBERS CAME FROM. OH, I HAVE AN IDEA. IT’S LARGE, IT’S PALE, AND IT
HAS A FORBES MAGAZINE IMPRINT ON IT. ( LAUGHTER )
OH! DO YOU WANT TO FACT CHECK ME? ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING. IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING. SO IF YOU’RE JUST MAKING UP
NUMBERS, WHY USE SOMETHING AS WEIRDLY SPECIFIC AS
“25,772,342?” AS THE “WASHINGTON POST’S”
FACT-CHECKER TWEETED: NOTHING SCREAMS FAKE NUMBERS MORE THAN
FALSE PRECISION. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT I TELL YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT
ELSE SCREAMS FAKE NUMBERS? TRUMP’S TALKING BATHROOM SCALE. “239 POUNDS! THERE I SAID WHAT YOU WANTED,
NOW PLEASE GET OFF!”

100 Replies to “Donald Trump’s Compromise Got Him Nothing”

  1. I still cant believe people are dumb enough to genuinely believe anything Trump says, all while letting the negatives go in one ear and staight out the other

  2. Trump couldn't deal a hand of cards – never mind play them. A game of snap is well above his intellectual capability.

  3. Trump made his case to the american people and now he will build the wall via a national security threat. Trump 2020 He also made the democrats looked stupid as usual.

  4. Keep ignoring his Presidential Powers, to declare National Emergency and still BUILD THAT WALL WITHOUT ALL YOU SUCKAAAAAAA'SSSSSSSSSS
    FOOLS!

  5. “Keep in mind, he’s willing to do anything to secure our border”…except of course paying Border Patrol agents their salaries.🤦🏽‍♀️🇺🇸

  6. Well what do you expect coming from a stupid left wing kook network like this? There not gonna tell you how many jobs were created and how well the economy's doing because of trump are they?

  7. But seriously why do we round measurements? If I get a measurement of 36, but the equipment can be off by 10 is it not better to know that your range is 26-46 rather than its about 40??? and don't get me started on the inaccuracy created by converting non-base 10 units of measurement

  8. Totally serious question but, is the guy that plays piano for this show special needs or some shit? He seems pretty dumb every time he opens his mouth.

  9. If dotard is willing to do whatever it takes, then why doesn't anyone recommend that he eats Anthrax?!! Or some Asbestos flavored cookies?!!
    That'll do it.

  10. Trump promised that Mexico would pay for the wall. search for the videos where he said this in his rallies over 30 times. US taxpayers should noy pay for the wall.

  11. For real I think every American would lend a hand asap if trump agreed to resign if the wall is built seems fair ok know we’re getting somewhere 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤑

  12. I don’t know u but shut up! Don’t u have business to talk about besides mocking ur great President Trump. Ur economy is blooming, making a true country cause of Trump. U r completely opposite n ur information is wrong. Study politics n economics more. From India

  13. Ah numbers, here are some real ones; catching up 3 days after this post, I see 747 morons versus 27,000 intelligent people. I bet that will be roughly the margin against tRump in 2020; 36.14457831% of the voting population are idiots who will still vote for that chubby child-fool. That's still too close, GET OUT THE VOTE for whomever runs against that lout.

  14. What is the cost of your deficit now Trumpy boy? Bit more than your vague amounts! Stephens right, out of your lardy a…e!

  15. Where did this specific number of 5 billion come from ?? Does he have an estimate from the Putin Cement Company , or is that what he owes the Russians he tried to screw with his "art of the deal" tactics ?

  16. That's what you want us to think. Those who are awake and well read know better! You can't fool all of us. Anyone who has been paying attention to how this POTUS does things knows he's got plan's A,B, & C in place and he's got em right where he wants em! He's is playing the elite controlled media AND DEMs. The Dems have revealed themselves for what they are. Serving the agenda of the evil psychopath elite and ALL ARE batshit crazy.

  17. Am I the only one laughing, than the black guy on the right laughs and it sends me in to hysterical I’m gonna piss my self holy shit I’m gonna go change my underwear type of laughter ?

  18. As a religious man, I say Trump supporters need to get their facts in order. This President is a liar and goes against everything all religions teach you.

  19. Trump got clear contrast on issue of.immigration. public got to see how chuck schumer flipped his wall demand when trump is.president, then border wall became immoral

  20. Trump lies. Facts matter. Compare the Executive branch crime total over the last 53 years. Republicans have had the Presidency for 28 years, with a total of 120 criminal indictments, 89 criminal convictions, and 34 prison sentences. Democrats have had the Presidency for 25 years, with a total of 3 criminal indictments, 1 criminal conviction, and 1 prison sentence. Republicans are criminals.

  21. Really? He got the dems to witness what they really care about. Open borders, and they want y'all to lower your standard of living in the process. Furthermore, they convinced you to pay for it. Dan, you're dumb.

  22. Come on, guys. Trump is misunderstood. Do you not know that this guy has a photographic memory, and those numbers are based on every single illegal immigrant he has seen enter the country, while he vigilantely watched like a vulture sitting on a high border fence? Yeah, he probably should’ve detained them himself, like he would a school shooter, but he watches that border HARD.

  23. Well, it appears there are actually honest and true morons living in the United States, I come by this conclusion by reading some of the comments given here by those of you who are against Trump. You think he gained nothing by doing what he did, but apparently, you are as stupid as Pelosi and the rest of the democratic party. What he did was to prove that Pelosi does not care about yours or my security. What he did was prove to all that Pelosi is acting on her personal feelings instead of in the proper manner in which the speaker of the house should be acting.
    Pelosi's actions are guided by her hate for Trump and by her greed and need to stay in power, and her strong desire to see our nation turned into a socialist country. Is that honestly what you ignorant fools want, do you honestly want to get up in the morning and everything you do throughout the day is what someone else wants you to do. Do you want to be told when you can go to the beach, or when you can ride your bike, or even when you can have dinner? Well, that is what a hard-on socialist country lives like and it's not living at all, it's being under thumb and rule by a dictator. You complete morons may want to live like that, but there are too many of us patriots and true Americans who will fight to avoid that type of life, so prepare yourselves for what is truly coming. It's not going to be pleasant, it's not going to be anything like what you think it's going to be like, it will be hell. And you will have yourselves to thank for what's to come if you continue down the road your on.

  24. Well, that tweet might actually be a good thing – after all, if the number of illegals are imaginary, then the wall can be imaginary, too.

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